Survivor Cook Island: It's Not Looking Good For the Homies - 4:52 p.m.

Last night was the first episode of "Survivor: The Race Card Edition." With 1 hour on the books here's how the races stack up on the superiority scale: 1st - Asians. 2nd - Hispanics. 3rd - Whites. 4th - Good ol' African-Americans'. Yup. The black team got their asses handed to them. Before I get to that, let me just say forget the idea that the contestants would be upset to be put in ethnic tribes, they all seemed to be happier than I remember seeing any tribe at this early stage of the game. Something about being among 'your people' seemed to make everyone comfortable and gave an immediate sense of cockiness: it's us vs. them.

I didn't expect to be rooting for the black tribe - just planned on watching it as normal - but as soon as I saw the chocolate skin tones it was only natural to want the black tribe to do their thing. For sure, the Jennifer Lopez's and Jackie Chan's of the world did the same thing in their homes.

But why, oh why was the black tribe the biggest collection of boobs ever?

I've never wanted to be on Survivor until last night. Just to slap fire out of these people. This isn't about spirituality and holding hands, kumbaya and vanilla scented candles, it's a competition. Where's that competitive energy? They talked about having fire in the belly - just talked, and representin', and they did just that.. in the most lame ways possible. You hear me? I'm all pissed off over this. *insert laugh*

The concept of the show isn't racist, divide into ethnic groups it hurts no one in the real world, other than you can see it's going to be a pain to have your tribe voted out, yet again, and have to go to work and look at your co-workers, saying, yup.. we lost again.

There are some things though..

From the start the black tribe was portrayed as not knowing what the hell to do. When they have to build shelter - one chick said, 'let's just put it up like this.' You know, the easy, less work way. Not the way that's gonna make sure it doesn't blow away in the weakest breeze. One guy (the one in the bandana) convinced them to do it the right way. Then they go to start a fire with tree branches and the same guy stops mid stroke to "go to take a break." Then they show him kicking back on the beach, looking at the water, he needs his break. Meanwhile another woman is scraping away for dolo. It didn't work, they never got a fire going.

I say portrayed because it's easy to take clips of the guy 'breaking" and scenes of confusion to have it look like their tribe was all about that. There was an Asian guy that had a little wild jungle man thing being amplified too - although he is on his own page (reminded me of one of my uncles). And the white tribe members were basically laying on blankets the whole time and cuddling like they knew each other for years. How that would have come off if they were black.. I don't know.

The point is this type of editing has happened on other Survivors, and just reality shows in general. Imagine a butt naked Richard Hatch being black or Johnny Fairplay who did absolutely no work besides scheming and was proud of it. That would have Al Sharpton on every news channel doing what he does best.

What happens is with the racial divisions, this kind of behavior seems to stand out more. I had to remind myself that the race thing in general is bullshit. Once you get past skin color and specifics to a culture (food, customs) people are generally the same. Everyone has people who are fuckups and successes. Racism as far as the media is concerned is really about how much of that negative is amplified as opposed to the good that's ignored and vice-versa: more good, less bad and with more explanation and understanding of that bad.

So while that shot of the black guy kicking back (exhausted?) looked suspiciously like the boycotters were right, I'm reminded that it wouldn't be the first time someone was made to look like an idiot or lazy. The filter being that he's a person and people do stupid things. Even better though.. don't do those things and there is no footage to slice up.

But for sure the editing room isn't to blame for the way they lost the challenge. That's why I want the entire black tribe shuttled off in the middle of the night and replaced with the Dream team. They are horrible as representatives for the homie in you. This is a big deal, surviving the race challenge. When it's all settled this is going in the record books. Haha. It's that deep!

Time for Some Action

The first immunity challenge involved putting together a boat from a bunch of pieces floating in the water, rowing out to grab a torch, and then putting wood blocks together to match letters above some square holes. Climb the ladder and your team wins immunity - 1st, 2nd and 3rd place.

The black tribe was last to put the boat together, looking completely confused. Then they get to the wood blocks where you'd think the Soul Train scrabble board would come in handy - nope. They had no idea, shifting pieces here, there and it looked like... No, it was the easiest thing. The letter is right above it. You know how Asians are said to be good at math and problem solving, that stereotype, well they whipped through the puzzle in seconds, ran up the ladder and were having a good time.

Then the Hispanics climbed up, and then the white tribe, who the black team could have caught because they had trouble with the boat as well.

But no, they lost and had to vote a tribe member off.

That was the second time I wished I was on the show with a real crew to represent.

Soul Sisters - We Don't Need No Men

Then in deciding who to get rid of, it became women vs. men, instead of getting rid of the weak or odd member out. Well, they claimed they voted off the weakest link, but I disagree

The two women from NY (the two in the picture) immediately bonded and the two men were also working together.. wouldn't say bonded. So that left one chick who wasn't able to join the soul sister club on the outside. As that swing vote though, she was in a position of power. So bandana man / achy breaky approached this chick, explaining to her that if she didn't vote for one of the other girls they would eventually vote her off because the girls are joined at the hip and sure aren't gonna vote for each other. Stick with the men.

She laughed like he was up to tricks, which really bugged me. How dumb is she that she can't see that? Not to mention that a tribe of four with three women is going to have a hard time competing against the other tribes with the athletic group challenges that come at the beginning of the game. Would the three of them had been able to row the boat in the challenge they just had? Male chauvinist Chris says, "bitch, please!"

So this chick ends up voting for the guy that told her that, thinking she'll eventually be one of the girls, because as she said before voting.. they're all women, and women will naturally stick together. That's NOT how the game is played and she isn't one of the girls. What she's gonna find out is the doublemint twins are going to side with the one guy remaining and vote her off in next elimination - just like dude told her. They are going to need that guy, even if he does laugh for no reason.

I'd say that elimination will be next week.. the black tribe is really the weakest on all levels. Fucking up our representation in the 'social experiment.'

You see what this race thing started? :)

Right now I'm shaking the family tree for any drop of Asian ancestry, at this point they look like the tribe to beat.

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