January 29th, 2001

Pimpin Is Easy

Slurpppp!

One sip of the yac... and I'm back just like that.

Today I'm gonna sit down, here we go, and talk to you about pimping. One of the world's oldest entrepreneurial endeavors, executed by slick talking, butter smooth, cats, with the knack for tongue flapping. The names are as colorful as their suits, Pimpin Ken, Larry Lar, Seymour the Pimp, Bishop, Don Magic Juan, and of course the infamous Iceberg Slim. The game of pimpin is very simple. You provide a forum and protection for your workers to provide a service to your customers. Then you collect the money, giving the worker just enough so that they don't complain. The most common way is to buy the worker clothes, bring them to the hot parties and events, where they are treated like very important persons, little do they know that it's not about them, but you; after all they are in your company. The average person cannot be one of your workers, they have to be either weak minded or desperate for attention. These are the ideal candidates for employment in the family. You see that word --- family--- another key to success in the business of pimping, making the worker feel like they are a part of something.

How do you turn a worker out? Give them a taste of success. You introduce your candidate to the life by convincing them that they will somehow benefit by performing a service to somebody that they don't know from a cat in the tree. They will be apprehensive at first, but when it's all over and they see that they have received cash money for something that was so easy, they will be more than happy to do it again. Sure it might take awhile for them to get accustomed to dealing with strangers, but eventually they will see it as strictly a business transaction, and being that you introduced them to the life, they will love to come home to you, a familiar comfortable environment, and give you the money so that they can stay in that environment. Of course you provide for their wants, keep them looking right, but overall you are in business. However, sometimes the worker gets hip to the game, and begin to question there position in the family. Why aren't they getting this amount of attention and that amount of money? That's when it's time for them go. That is unless they are really worth it, but for the most part it's too much trouble, so you let them go.

I ripped that out of the shabby little pimp handbook that I have on my bookshelf. Of course I'm leaving out the physical abuse, mental torture, drug addiction and slime ridden conditions that exist in the true to life pimp game, but it's funny how you can take some of the same rules and apply them to the music business.

Did you know that artists signed to record deals can appear to be iced out, but really not bank more than $35,000 a year, and that's a good example. Let me give it to you like this. A"label" spots a kid in the street, or more likely is introduced to an artist by an acquaintance. The artist has dreams of becoming the next Jay-Z, and is ready to do whatever, to achieve that goal. You the label head, or a&r rep, inspect the product, do they have the look, lyrics... that's not a problem though, you can dress that part up with some well placed ghost writing (that's another story.) , do they have the hunger? Ahhh, the perfect candidate. Sign em up.

When the ink dries the artist finds themselves in a situation where they are now surrounded by all of the people that they were just admiring on the tube, the same folks from the videos, they are now bumpin shoulders with these people. Backstsage passes, VIP status, all of that's the norm. They get into the studio, every thing is taken care of, no more hassles, no half-ass engineers on the boards, and the sound in that studio is incredible. The day that they hit the stage, the radio is pumping their song, and the limo driver is on call, they are turned out, ain't going nowhere.