January 22, 2002
Prostitutes, Beef Sammiches and Inflamed Rectums
Whaddup ya'll, that Bitter Bitch back up in here to throw a lil literature your way. Dang it's already 2002, seems like I aint hollered at ya'll in…a year. Again with the lateness. Good thing Chris aint one of those Hitler Boss type dudes or else he'd have me bent over grabbin my ankles… and kickin me right in the ass for being late again. I know what ya'll where thinking when I said grabbin my ankles…get ya minds out tha gutter, freaks. Dammit I'm slackin hard lately. I wasn't in no kind of hurry to holla at ya'll, I was too busy being er, uh unemployed…and enjoying it to tha fullest. Days filled of watching soap operas, surfing the net, runnin my mouth on the phone with my homegirls and hookin my nails up, Oh um yeah and looking for a job *wink wink*. But here the fuck I am writing to ya'll like you're worthy of my time or su'thin takin me away from the many things I could be doing. A lot of shit been goin on lately and with me being unemployed…I got a lot of time on my hands to learn many useless facts, analyze shit and be extra bitter…
Gimme Some Suggah
Seems like Suge Knight is hittin up every single media outlet in the city of New York to get some play lately. Talkin shit just for the sake of talking shit, to get some attention for Tha Row and in the process makin himself look like a bigger jackass then we already believed him to be. Dammit, he irks the shit outta me, some of the shit he has been reported as saying is just off tha hook, it was great entertainment but… I aint gonna front, as outgoing as I am… if I ever met Suge knight I'd prolly be shakin in my timz, callin him Mista knight and fetchin him some snacks. The Negro is fuckin huge, gigantic, massive…for me, standin my tallest at 5 feet 4 inches, he's like the jolly green giant to me, minus the jolly. He's got an ice grill scary enough to make anybody cry like a bitch and run home to they momma. And I'm pretty sure he aint get the reputation for being ruthless and violent for nothing. This whole media blitz got me and tha homegirls talking tha other day….
After me and the homegirls peeped some of Suge's interviews, my one homegirl who obviously has some deep seeded self esteem problems and quite possibly a chemical imbalance of some kind brought up the subject of Suge and sex. Now ordinarily these two subjects would cause a major workout of my gag reflex and considering my last gag workout was a month ago when I sat across from cousin Pookie while he tounged down his stripper girlfriend "Cinnabunz" at the dinner table, yeah that chick with the "cold sores" all around her dirty mouf, I thought okay I can handle this, I been working that reflex out, bring it on. And I wanted to hear my girl out before I bombed on her so I let her continue… She looks at us in all seriousness and asks "would you fuck Suge Knight for a million dollars?" The thought of Suge Knight's fat penis in my vicinity alone was just nauseating; no other words can describe it to the degree it truly deserves, icky, gag. So as I began my search for a bucket to vomit in, the other chicks sat there quiet for a minute or two, seeming to rack their brains for an answer. They were actually considering it, where did I find these people? When the silence broke, the air was filled with a bunch of foul questions like "now would I have to suck his dick?" "Could he wear a blindfold? A bag over his head?" "would I have to be tied up?" "Condom or not condom?" I was like what the fuck? I felt like I was sittin around with a group of niggas. Where am I? I'm tha po'est one in the group, the one in need of money more than any of them yet it took me 1.1 second to come up with my answer….Fuck no, money aint worth that much to me, it aint that serious, a million dollars aint that much no more so heelllll muthafuckin no. The chick who brought up the nasty question sat in silence, distraught, not about the 20 questions or the conditions the other homegirls were putting on the sex but that they had to ponder it at all. As if committing to sex with Suge was a given, like any woman in their right mind would jump at the offer to pimp herself out like a common ho. She got all temperamental, almost to the level of being hurt and says "I would do it in a hot minute, I'd suck his dick for an extra 5 g's, I don't have to enjoy the sex or like the man to enjoy the money. Fuck ya'll, you don't know nothin" and walked away.
Pure comedy. She would suck on the Suggah for just 5 G's? Dang, that's just sickening, nasty, disgusting, blahhhhhhh. Oh lawd, I just realized that I'm friends with prostitutes. Next time she starts a "deep and intellectual" conversation remind me to fetch the straight jacket and have the crew at Bellevue on alert for her. The chunks are rising in my throat, you know the deal, bring the bucket.
Where's tha Beef?
On tha real I didn't really wanna talk bout the beef goin down between Nas and Jay-Z right now. Tha last time this much attention was paid to a Hip Hop battle both the niggas ended up taking a permanent dirt nap six feet under. But after talking to mad people and getting fed up with some of these gay little comments and rationalizations along the way, I decided I hadda say suthin cuz…you know me. Before I go on, I'ma let my opinion be known cuz that's what I'm here for, yeah this is MY OPINION COLUMN... Ding, Ding, Round one: Jay takes it with "The Takeover". It was the beat, the song as a whole wasn't that hot but the beat grabbed me. Lyrically he coulda came at Nas harder with more intricate lyrics and creativity but seeing how this track was basically up against Nas's "Stillmatic" freestyle which all around was on the weak side…"The Takeover" um took-over this round. Ding, Ding, Round two: Nas lyrically tore Jay a new anus (ewwww nasty mental picture, but I digress) with "Ether". Lyrically Nas took more meaningful jabs and landed more punches, hittin Jay where it hurt, the beat was a lil less than amazing but this wasn't meant to be a club song, it was meant to be a straight up diss. On the diss versus diss level, "Ether" took it, the shit was like poetry, beautiful.
Now chill, take a deep breaf…this don't mean you gotta agree with me, I never said you hadda do shit but read. I was a Nas fan before the beef, since the beginning and in my opinion he's a better lyricist than Jay, always has been, with Jay runnin a close 2nd or 3rd. Does this mean I think Jay is wack? No. Do I hate Jay now? No. Do I have a bonfire planned to burn the Jay cd's I own? Hell no. As a fan of both Nas and Jay and hip hop in general I can openly say that both "The Takeover" and "Ether" are hot tracks from two of the best lyricist in the game. Tha truth is that the lyrical quality contained in tha disses by both Nas and Jay in the recent months are above and beyond the bullshit Hip Hop we been hearin lately. I aint hatin, I can admit that they both got skills and I bump both of their cd collections, I hope both will remain in the game for a long time to come. In the times of club jams, Ja Rule's radio friendly R&B type joints and Nelly's sing songs…both "The Takeover" and "Ether" were a breath of fresh air to hip hop. In a battle the goal is to be crowned the best lyricist. This shit brought it back to when the lyrics mattered, brought it back to determining who is number 1 by rating their skills as lyricists, not by how many records they sell, how many cars they own or how much ice they rock.
These days people seem to think that commercial success means you're the better emcee when in fact it's almost just the opposite. Nelly went multi-platinum, rocks mad ice and has appeared on more MTV shows than I can count; does this mean he deserves the crown of best lyricist? Hell no. You can strive to piss me off by sayin Nas is weak cuz he doesn't go platinum but you won't achieve your goal, that shit don't mean nada to me, try your worst…it won't upset me. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, who am I to say you're wrong? You can say one sells more and has more videos in heavy rotation on MTV and BET but none of that matters here. A battle makes the lyrical aspect of the art form shine through loud and clear, takes it back to what rap/hip hop is all about. You can badmouth both these mc's, say one is weak, one is smart, one stupid, say one is fake, one sells more records, one is gay and has dick suckin lips but that aint gonna change your views on that artist if you were fans of them before the beef. I liked both before, I like both now, there's no reason to hate on one to like the other one better.
I've been hearing mad cats speakin bout this beef and taking sides, getting mad…there has to be a point where everybody just chills. In music or any art form it's all in the eyes of the beholder, there aint really an argument to a battle or to who's the best because everybody got their own opinion and everyone's taste in music is different. For every Jay fan there's a Nas fan, you can argue until you're blue in the face and still not get anywhere because no one is right or wrong for their opinion. I'm lovin this battle for what it's doing to hip hop right now, damn finally some quality after I been bitchin about the shit for a year. Maybe all this beef will lead to more quality hip hop… focusing on intelligent, original lyrics, creativity and hot beats. Who knows what's gonna happen but for now ya'll, take ya sides and chill…. Just agree to disagree, no point in getting all hostile for nothing, the shit talking needs to stop, the name calling and gay shit needs to stop, stop whining and stompin ya feet when you don't get your way…it aint cute. *sniff sniff* the stale odor of beef is in the air.
Code… Cracked
I know I'm a lil late talking bout Universal's copyright protected encoding on cd's but I just came across an interesting article about it that one: got me real bitter and two: prompted me to hold my stomach and laugh.
The article posted on techtv.com tells of someone's encounter with Universal's first copy protected cd "The Fast and Furious: More Music." He picked up the cd which was plastered with stickers warning consumers that it was copy protected (I'm pretty sure they woulda made more jack minus the sticker but hey that's just me.) He then downloaded some free software off the web that both rips the tracks and plays audio, surprise, surprise, he had no problem crackin the code and ripping the tracks into mp3's. His system didn't even recognize the disc as copy protected in the first place. It played like a real audio cd, and ripped like a real audio cd.
Only one or two encoded cd's have been produced thus far so this doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot right this moment, plus not all of us are computer geniuses who can crack the code by our dolo. But just as people learned and the spread the word on how to rip cd tracks into mp3's, share them with other net users and burn them onto cd's…the how-to guide will be on the net in mere minutes, we will crack this code in record time.
The whole theory of copy protected cd's made me bitter. These bitches expect us to pay $15 and up for a cd which took two dimes and a penny to make and is only worth half of that in content…then expect us not to be bitter when we watch these reckka company execs and artists all up on our TV's rockin platinum, driving Bentleys and living in multi-million dollar homes? And they whining like bitches bout not getting paid? Say whut? I said it before and I'll say it again once you pay money for something…it's yours, you own it, you have the right to do whatever the fuck you want to do with the shit. If you wanna hurl em at cars on the street like ninja stars…whateva, you wanna glue em to your bedroom ceiling for that disco feel… that's a lil fruity… but knock yaself out. Hell take em out the case and rub em on your ass, it would be amusing to peep but if that gets ya jollies…it's yours, do it. The shitty thing is that in the eyes of big business letting one of your friends hold the cd you paid for or making a mixed joint out of your own shit that you bought is somehow out of line. My personal cd collection and I repeat MY collection is mine and I will do whatever I want with it. I have used the case to roll a blunt and prop up the coffee table with the gimpy leg. I'll use the liner booklet to slap a fly off my wall if need be. And if I feel like taking the 2 tracks of the cd that are half way decent and making a mix cd on my own computer, to play on my own cd player…I will do just that.
Again the industry trying to fuck us up the ass when we aint looking, just too bad they don't know who they messin with. Now I chuckle b-cuz in the end they'll be the ones havin to ice down their inflamed rectums, we're smarter then them, they'll get theirs. *sticks tongue out*
Random Questions and Thoughts
Like I said, I got a lot of time on my hands…
:1: Why is it that when your peoples come over to chill they decide that they hafta take a shit at your joint instead of dumpin their logs at they own crib? Didn't they just leave their house? The last scent I want drifting through my crib…is yo ass. Take ya ass on home with that…shit.
:2: And why is it that they always trying to pick up your fresh copy of the Source, Vibe or XXL to use as reading material in the doo doo room? That shit is straight up nasty. First you wanna take a shit at my crib and permeate my nostrils with the odor of food you grubbed on…yesterday, then you have the nerve to grab my clean magazine. Nigga please, who knows where yo hands been and where they're soon to be. One step closer to tha magazine rack and you'll find yaself shittin in the bushes like Smokey in Friday. I won't tell anyone. Really ;)
:3: Will hip hop ever truly be recognized by the Grammy Awards?
Afroman is nominated for best rap solo performance…Need I say more?
I almost choked on my Cheerios there for a minute but I'm straight now. Note to self: don't grub on nuffin while watching any musical award type show and learn how to perform the heimlich on yourself.
:4: Am I the only one irked at the fiends and homeless on the corner begging for change? The ironic thing is they stand out on the same block as the unemployment office, the social service office and the open door mission. Getting up in your grill with they stank breaf, talkin bout they aint had nuffin to eat in days. Everybody got struggles, I undastand 100%, I really do but to literally stand right outside the door to opportunity and beg for change is fuckin foolish, a bitch move. Because of that, they get nuffin from me and as revenge for the stank breaf…try this, after you hit the corner store save ya receipts hell, any scrap of rectangular paper will do. Now as you roll up to the corner throw it out the window at em. You're guaranteed at least 1 full minute of comedy as the fiends dip and dive for it, thinking it's a dollar bill. Silly crack head bitches. *mwahahahahaaa* You don't have to tell me how evil that is, I know, I'm going to hell… but hey, at least I'll see you there.
:5: Does anyone else get angry and bitter while watching MTV's "Cribs"? I'm sittin here in a studio apartment, no car, Ramen noodles for lunch and dinner. What's the last thing I wanna see when I turn on my tv? Mariah Carey's mansion, Jermaine Dupri's car collection, Missy Elliot's indoor pool? Yeah those sound about right. They don't even gotta do nuffin, don't even hafta be semi respectable or decent at their so called jobs and they got all this shit. *mumblin* got dayum summamabitches, I hate them, I hate them all.
And…I'm Out.
I think Sponge Bob Squarepants is on. My seat on the couch is getting cold and my ass groove in the cushion betta still be there when I get back. Let the knowledge marinate for a minute. Until next time, keep it bitter and talk much shit. Smoochies!
Until next time keep it bitter and talk much shit.
Smoochies!
- Shortycake aka That Bitter Chick aka Trish
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