March 28, 2002
It's Meeeeeee.....That Bitter Bitch
edit* CG - After the site was down for a few weeks, I told you it would take a while to get back in the groove. Tricia hasn't updated in a hot minute, but she's having troubles of her own.. namely her Gateway computer (let's call them out by name.) I got a email from Tricia on Monday, but it wasn't from her regular email address.. read on, it's self explanatory.
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From: "tricia"
To: chris g
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2002 11:47 a.m.
Subject: It's meeeeeee.....That Bitter Bitch
"..
I bet you wondering where the hell this e-mail addy is coming
from huh? Well wouldn't luck have it that my computer is fucked up...yes I
know I have the best luck in the whole world. The good thing is that it's
still covered under the warranty (thank tha lawd) but the bad thing is that
I have to box the shit up and wait for Gateway to send me a shipping
ticket so I can send it to them to fix.
Now you know me, I'm going crazy without a computer already, so crazy in fact that I am at my sister's job typing this
to you right now...crazy? Yes, hand me the straight jacket, it might even
be comfortable.
The problem with my computer is stupid but I'ma get it fixed before the warranty ends so I don't have to pay cuz you know I don't got
dough to pay for shit anyways. There's actually 2 things wrong with my
puter...first the monitor started fuckin up, wavy lines, rolling picture and
blah blah blah, so I go the Gateway.com support route and get a bunch of
troubleshooting bullshit. I tried every fuckin tip they give and
still...nada.
Normally the little lines and shit wouldn't bother me but I'm tryin to work on invitations and shit for my sister's baby shower on
Photoshop. The whole idea my sister came up with entails small precious moments, graphics in which I have to paint a mask around. This includes
small toes, heads, and the smallest hands and fingers I have ever seen on a
graphic in all my got dayum life.
This is where the problem was, it's hard enough to zoom into shit 200% and paint tiny square pixels with a normal
monitor, but imagine painting pixels with wavy lines floating in front of your eyes and the screen flashing and re-flashing every 2 seconds with
shadows and the whole nine just playing fuckin games with your eyes. Not easy, not fun and to be honest the shit ruined my whole fuckin day. I was
pissed. I thought I was goin blind.
So that's the first problem. I have no fuckin idea what exactly the other problem is. I don't know exactly what
part of the computer the problem is coming from or how it started, but a while ago it started making this noise, not the normal noise it makes when it
loads something, not the processor working it's ass off, none of that...but this high pitched noise, almost a hum, but then again not a hum at all. Now
imagine how hard this was to explain to a Gateway technician. He was like "which part is it coming from ma'am?" I said I had no idea, so he kept
asking the same question over and over again...I was like "don't call me ma'am, I aint old. Do I sound old to you sir? geesus. I don't know shit about the
inside and fuck no I aint taking the case off".
I have the worst luck in the world, knowing me I'd take the cover off and fuck something up that aint covered by warranty and then I'd be without a puter forever, cuz you know I'm
po as hell. I don't know much about the inside of a computer, where the parts are, what does what and etc, but knowing my luck it's some stupid
problem like the fan or something. Sometimes it quiets down and you can't notice it, but sometimes especially when I've had the computer shut down
for a half hour and then turn it back on it's very noticeable. It aint really
a problem but it's annoying as fuck.
Then all of a sudden it started making this deep growlin sound, scared the shit out of me. Now for the monitor
problem they said I needed a new motherboard, as if I know anything about that. "I guess something about the video components on the motherboard are
what's messin up." I said "whatever...just fix it dammit."
This shit aint even a year old yet. I'm so pissed man, I was freakin out when all this was goin on, puhleeze believe it. So I talked to another tech guy and
he tells me all these things to try. I do em all and he said "okay, it aint the fan to the power supply." The sound is coming up higher, near where the
phone line plugs in and where there's another vent like thing. Dude tried to play me, he asked if maybe the computer was on un-even surface, that could
cause the case to vibrate...I said "negro, it's been on the same desk since last year and all of a sudden it started making these noises, no
mothafucka it aint un-even, your shit is faulty."
So I guess they sent the motherboard UPS. The last tech I talked to told me to wait for the motherboard to get
here and then to take the computer back to Gateway with the motherboard. Then they will replace that for me and find the other problem and fix that.
Geesus man, I'm so pissed. It's indescribable. So I'ma be without my computer for a while :(
Wha the fuck?... Man, I guess I'ma have to read a book or something. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Damn I'm starting to make the same noises
my puter is making."
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My Response
From: "chris g"
To: tricia
Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2002 11:48 a.m.
Subject: Bootleg.. Umm, I Mean Gateway Computer
"..I don't know what that technician was thinking.. replace the motherboard for
wavy lines on the monitor. That shit sounds ass backwards.
Unless the videocard is built into the motherboard.. which would mean that
the board was overheating so your buzzing, whirring sound would have to
be a malfunctioning fan which caused the motherboard to overheat which
would also eventually cause your cpu to konk out.
heh heh.. that's my assessment. You need a new fan.
Damn. No computer for x amount of days. That's rough. The two bills I
maintain are the phone bill and the isp bill... not having access to the internet
is like having bread with nothing to go on it.. that's some dry shit.
But you have it worse, no computer at all..
I'll pray for you.
But your repair should be a simple pop in pop out kinda thing.. good luck.
I feel you on the writing on paper too.. it's sad but I can't remember the
last time I wrote more than a paragraph on paper.
All those good penmanship classes in elementary school goin to waste
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From: "tricia"
To: chris g
Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2002 2:25 p.m.
Subject: Re: Bootleg.. Umm, I Mean Gateway Computer
"..
Man now I'm even more pissed than usual. The other day they tell me to wait
until the motherboard gets here and then to take it into the store. They said the
delivery date would be March 25th or 26th, so I boxed the shit up, ready to
bring it in as soon as the UPS man walked his fat ass away from the door. I
still aint got the motherboard and I had my computer boxed up. I said fuck
it and took the shit back out. lol I was feenin already. So I called Gateway
and was like "wassup with the motherboard?" They said "it isn't there yet?" I
said "no it aint, what the hell?" The lady was like "ok, let me check on it."
So of course they put on that beautiful elevator music while I'm waiting, just
beautiful. This bitch comes back and says that she figured out the problem.
Instead of ordering the part from their warehouse in Massachusetts, the order
was placed at the South Dakota warehouse. I was like "what the fuck did you
just say? I live in New York..common sense would tell you that MA would be
closer, quicker and just smarter, duhhhh."
Again I was called ma'am and told that they were sorry for the mix-up. I was like "What the fuck, so when is it
supposed to be here?" She said prolly Thursday or Friday. I should ask them
to throw in an extra straight jacket cuz this shit is driving me crazy.
So I put my puter back together even though I prolly only got 24 hours to use it.
Then I wrote them about 4 evil e-mails including my phone number, saying
feel free to contact me cuz you know I'm trying to complain my ass of so I
can get new shit instead of having it repaired. When I talked to that
senseless bitch about the motherboard I asked to speak to someone in charge,
she said no one was available, so I said let me talk to that person's
supervisor then. She said please hold and I was transferred to a customer
service center. Where I went on a 15 minute rant to some lady who sounded like
she just started workin there (she prolly went home later and slit her
wrists.) She just sat there while I screamed at her "What kind of shitty
products are you people selling?" "I want a new fuckin computer, this is
ridiculous and ya'll need to stop giving me this bunch of bullshit on how to
fix it cuz ya'll obviously don't know how to do the shit either."
So I was done, and she was quiet for a minute then she said, "Ma'am I'm sorry for all
the problems you're having with your computer..." After hearing someone call
me ma'am...again, I hung up on her ass. Oh yesss, don't let me forget, for
some reason they have my name down as being PARTICIA, so I call and give my
name Patricia and 2 seconds after I give my name these people turn around
and call me
Particia. I was so pissed. I was like, "listen I typed
my name correctly, I don't know how ya'll keep fuckin up It is not
Particia...get the shit right. I keep correcting you and ya'll ignore it as
if I don't know my real name and how to spell it correctly. I've had it for
over 20 years, I think I know my name, and what the hell kind of name would
Particia be anyways? Dammit."
That's kinda the same shit that keeps happening
to Andre, people call here and ask for Andrea. How hard is the name Andre?
Come on now, they didn't just misspell it, they got the whole fuckin opposite
sex. How messed up is that?
So I guess I have to wait for the motherboard. In the meantime I have
to back everything up, which I never really finished doing. Plus all this
shit is happening at the same time - the warranty ends on April 14th and my
AOL account is over on April 14th. They said they would cover the repair
even after the warranty (if it takes that long) because the prob started
before the warranty was up. They're trying to get me to spend $159 for an
extended 2 year warranty, I was like, "do you people think it's really smart
to ask me to invest more money into your company while I'm complaining about
what a shitty product you have? If they were such top of the line
computers...I wouldn't need the fuckin warranty in the first place."
I'm just really pissed that this computer isn't even old yet. I don't even use it
24/7/365 like some people do with theirs, you know what I mean? I aint put
this puter through no abuse, only kept a few programs on it, saved most my
shit to disks, always kept up on the defragmenting and all those optimizing
programs. That's the main reason I'm pissed, this computer is still new but
worthless right now.
Oh yeah, the motherboard replacement seemed backwards to me too. When they
said I would get a new motherboard I said, "now wait...I have lines in my
monitor, what the fuck is the motherboard gonna do?" They didn't explain to
me what the fuck they were talkin about so I wrote another evil e-mail and
was like, "do you people even read my e-mails, what the fuck?" So dude wrote
back and said the video component that they "think" is fuckin up is on the
motherboard. So I said, "what about these noises?" The dude had me take the
case off and listen to which part the sound was coming from, I told him it
wasn't near the power supply and that the fan down there was working fine,
no noise, blowing a lil air and etc. So he said that was normal, it wasn't
coming from the vent near the power supply, so he said it's not the fan.
I don't know shit about the inside so I was thinkin is there more than one
fan? The sound is coming from a vent farther up at the top of the tower, so
he said, "I don't know what's behind that vent." I said, "you don't know??
Are you fuckin kidding me? Aint you a technician for this model computer?" He
said "yes ma'am, but I don't exactly know what's behind there, maybe pci
slots." I was so frustrated that I didn't even write back to that penis.
At
one point it was just painfully obvious that the guy didn't know what the
fuck he was speaking of, he says "maybe your desk is un-even? That could
cause the case to vibrate and make a noise." I said, "dude...don't mess with
me, do I sound stupid to you? This puter has been on the same desk since the
moment I popped it out the box. You trying to tell me that a year later all
of a sudden it would start vibrating and that vibration would cause a high
pitched hum, a loud groaning/grinding noise and wavy lines in my monitor?
Yeah uh huh, I'm done with you, your ignorance sickens me."
Your assessment sounds right on point. In fact when I originally wrote to
tech support I told them it sounds like a fan or a motor that's dying, they
were like how do you know that? I said...ummm I know what a dying fan sounds
like? I don't fuckin know.
Seriously though last summer we had this big ass industrial fan that's motor was dying out, when you turned the knob to turn
it on the motor would make a noise but the fan blades wouldn't turn, so we hadda hit the fan, shake it, kick it to get the blades goin and then the
motor would power up and start whirring. I didn't care, it made the fan work
but this is my puter not some $50 fan I bought at Wal-Mart that eventually
got thrown in the dumpster and some crackheads prolly rescued it to make a BBQ grill out of the shit. A
Anyways the sounds in my puter is like a motor that's dying, if that motor is to the fan or what I don't know. Oh and
pardon my ignorance, but is the cpu the processor and is that on the
motherboard too? Dude said my cpu might be on it's way out as if I know what
that means exactly.
Damn, I'm glad someone I know, knows something about
computers. I was asking Andre if anything the Gateway people made sense and
he says "uhhh sure, yeah." lol He's just so helpful. He tried doin something
to it and I was trying to keep him away from it so he didn't ruin the shit,
he knows less about the inside of a computer than I do, this is the same man
who can't fix a leaky faucet...I tried to stop him from attempting to fix my
puter, he aint very "handy" so he said, "if I break it I'll buy you a new
one." Well Dayum, ohhh kaaaay go head mess with it all you want, drop it,
flip it...do your worst.
I was secretly praying he would break the shit so I
could cop a new computer. I had all my faith in him to break it, I knew he
would fuck something up so I left the room, left him to break my puter. when
I came back he was watching tv, my computer was still making noises and shit
but it was working, nothing else was wrong with it. I said, "What the fuck
negro, I thought you were gonna break it for me." He looked confused, "was
that your plan?" lol "Yessssssss."
So plan B...wait for the motherboard, bring it in to get fixed and keep complaining my ass off and work the "I want a
new computer" angle. That's if I don't go completely insane without my puter.
The shit that is gonna get to me, is that I don't have to take the monitor,
just the computer tower itself. So when I look over there I'll see my monitor,
keyboard, mouse and etc but they will all be useless. Dammit, if that aint a
test on my sanity I don't know what is. I guess I could read a book...uhhhhh huh.
When I talked to one of Gateway's techs (if that's what they wanna call
themselve fine, I have another word for them.) I asked how long it would
take to replace the motherboard, the dude said they would do it while I wait
but if I want the other problems looked at then I'd prolly have to leave it
there for a few days. I said, "IF? If I want them to resolve the other
problems?" Why would I not want those fixed? Again-what the fuck?
I know there's more problems then what they said, so they'll prolly need to order
parts or whatever. So long as everything is fixed, then it's whatever. But
why would I want to take the puter back when it aint gonna be fixed 100%?
The dude said when they need parts or have to order them they get shipped overnight
so it won't be more than a week no matter how many probs there is.
I just want it
fixed now man this is a pain in my ass. Of course I
think they should just give me a new computer or give me my damn money back,
but it's my computer so obviously that's what I want.
I don't think that's unreasonable.
I talked to this dude who works for Compaq and he said they
give out new computers everyday when people have a lot of probs with it and
keep complaining. Then they shut em up by sending a new puter. Everyone I
talk to says I should get a new computer since this one isn't that old and
because I take care of this computer like it's my second child...it's my
baby.
Anyways I'm out, gotta finish backing up my left over files and writing down
all my AOL shit since by time my puter is fixed my AOL will be gone. I'll
holla from this address to let you know my new e-mail address when I get
a new ISP."
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edit* CG - So there it is.. Tricia's on technical hiatus. I'm sure there will be another chapter to this story. Stay tuned.
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