Yeah, so the bitter bitch is obviously back up in this joint and bitter as ever. I been slackin to the highest power lately. I been dealin with all this unnecessary bullshit, first it was the computer problems then it was family drama, add in my habitual laziness and here we are, 3 months later. I decided I could take a few minutes out of my, oh so busy schedule to holla my bitter literature at ya’ll... it has been a minute.
The past few months have been filled with more bitterness than usual, days of talking shit, bitchin out Gateway technicians and dealin with their half-assed customer service…fuckin summamabitches. This shit left me bitter as a bitch and it looks like I still aint done dealin with this shit. I was gonna go through the whole repair adventure I had with Gateway but it irks me just thinking about it. Believe me, many thoughts of slapping a Gateway technician or two dance through my dome. I bet half them Gateway techs don’t even own a Gateway computer, hell NONE of em prolly own one, they know the deal. They work on fucked up Gateway computers all day, then go home and beat their meat to internet porn on their Dell systems. Lawd knows I was feenin without a computer for over 10 days. *shiver* That was a long ass stretch of 10 days leaving me too much time on my hands and many painful memories.
I asked my momma if I could borrow her computer, begged and pleaded with her to no avail, 2 days later I went to her house while no one was home and took it. Yoinks! Shhhhhhhhh! I left a note though cuz I know how my momma is, she gets all paranoid and starts trippin bout shit, always thinking the worst. Hmmm, it must run in the fam. If I hadn’t left a note, she would think someone jacked it, she’d prolly have nightmares bout a stranger comin into her home, bypassing the big screen tv, dvd player and home theater system to jack her old ass 1997 model Compaq computer…yeah that’s realistic. My moms knew I had it but she still all p-noid now having outbursts like she’s suddenly inflicted with tourette’s syndrome, talking bout strangers in her home and feeling violated. Damn shame. I only kept her puter for a few days due to the frantic messages she left on my voicemail, distraught that someone had stolen her shit. Either she’s illiterate and couldn’t read my note or she just blind as a bat. I was bitter enough as it is dealin with these fuckin computer techs, I didn’t need her harassing me about this bullshit too so I saidfuck it and brought her puter back. Long story short, I got my own shit back and I now feel complete, no more problems for the time being. That’s all I was askin for, not one more muthafuckin thing especially not the drama and hassle I got from these people. Two days after I got the shit back I seen su’thin on CNN or one of those news channels about the companies with the lowest rated customer service/tech support and Gateway was at the top of the list. I aint makin this up cuz I’m pissed. I’m just saying what I seen on the tv, so no more e-mails from Gateway people, talk to the news folks bout their report. Hmph, this shit still pisses me off, just thinking bout all the shit. I’m done. On to tha bitter literature…
Shakin my Dome
It seems that the stupidity level of the human race keeps reaching ultimate highs and lately I been witnessing an overabundance of the shit. I know I’ve been explained mad things that make me shake my head, but the shit is never-ending so here we go again. First my sister
called to complain that she has a respiratory infection, she can’t breathe and she might have asthma. All the while she’s over at her house chain smoking Newports. Obviously people hear me talk shit and complain so much that they think they can call me to do the same but they are sadly mistaken.
In between coughing up pieces of her lung tissue she asks, “Does asthma run in our family?” *shakin my dome* It couldn’t be the nicotine sticks, genius. I aint one to lecture people on changing their ways cuz it aint my dayum life, but when it’s fam you just hafta say something. I got nada against smoking, really I don’t but if you chain smoke and then try complaining to me bout your hazardous health... ’ma hafta call you out, it’s my civil duty. Maybe if she keeps smoking her teeth will turn such an ugly doo-doo brown that people will focus on her fucked up teeth therefore drawing attention away from the fucked up hairstyle she been rockin since ’88. Go figure, nicotine works for her.
On another day, I’m sitting my big ass at one of those outdoor cafe type joints, mindin my own business drinkin an iced mochaccino with one of the homegirls. All of a sudden I start hearing “Lights, Camera, Action.” I’m looking around to see where the fuck this atrocious noise is comin from.. yes, I say noise and atrocious …I spot a dude walkin around carrying his own personal ghettoblaster. I hadda take a double peek to make sure I was seein this shit correctly. *shakin my dome* What the fuck is this, Radio Raheem? It took me back to 1989 when Do the Right Thing came out…oh shit, Radio Raheem got killt in that joint. I looked around for po-po and of course they aint there when you want em to be. I was still amazed at this shit, the dude looked like a real cornball, one of those 35 year old dudes who still lives with his momma and rocks dungaroos. I don’t wanna hear that shit blasted all over the place, that’s enough to cause a got dayum beat down. Thanks for the flashback Radio Raheem, but you sir look like a fuckin fool. That made my day, it really did. *shakin my dome again for old times sake*
Then one day, I’m sittin in 5:00 traffic during that week the weather was hangin around 90 damn degrees, and of course the ghetto ride lacks air conditioning. On a side note.. I still don’t get that…I got power windows and power locks but no air conditioning; I need to speak to someone about this travesty. I digress.. there I was smack dab in the middle of a traffic jam, sweatin like a slave, had all the windows down, music bumpin, a nice fuckin day under the circumstances.
I glance over at the car next to me, this fine ass dude is bangin his head to some music. I notice all his windows are up, got dayum, everybody got some air conditioning but me. I look at him, he looks at me, he smiles, I smile back, got the whole “I’m peepin you” thang goin on. Traffic moves ahead, I of course stay in the same spot (it’s always my lane that’s slow as fuck.) So a few minutes later I ease up next to the same fine dude except this time he doesn’t notice me on the side of him. He continues bangin his head, then he musta got confused or su’thin, maybe the heroin he shot up a half hour before was just kickin in…all of a sudden he sees me, raises his eyebrows, leans forward like he’s bout to speak to me and BOOM smacks his grill on the window of his car.*shakin my dome* The fine ones are always slow aint they? I mean negro’s IQ must been borderline mental retard. I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off, his ass was laughin too.. After he rubbed on his throbbin grill for a minute, he stopped laughing. I stopped wiping the laugh tears from my eyes, he rolls his windows down and started waving to get my attention. Negro, puhleeze. You think you’re gonna try kickin it to me, as if I didn’t witness first hand the stupidity you just displayed? I require any person I associate with to have an IQ of at least 100. I aint into helping men up on the short yellow bus, wiping up drool or holdin anyone’s dick while they use the bathroom, that shit aint in my job description, plus… I don’t want no down syndrome babies.
That has to be the most comical scene I’ve ever seen during a traffic jam; comedy and stupidity wrapped into one, it musta been my lucky day. I have never witnessed someone doing that in real life before, it was un-fuckin-believable. On a separate occasion, as I was in the mall doin my thing, again minding my own bus’ness. I noticed su’thin I seen many time before but for some reason seeing it on that particular day really got me bitter. I done seen another lil white kid being dragged around on a got damn leash. *shakin my dome* Now white people puhleeze, I know you canceled Timmy’s play date for this special outing to the mall, but the leash is really un-fuckin-necessary. If ya’ll just watched your kid or raised him right there would be no need to degrade your child like this. My momma always said, “a person will act the way you treat ‘em.” So you treat your child like’s he’s a fuckin dog, he’s gonna act like a fuckin dog. The real shit is the kid leashes aint even a real leash, it’s like a got dayum harness and the ones I done seen are fluorescent in color, almost reflective, as if by chance Timmy ever gets loose, you’d be able to find him with relative ease. Excuse the ignorance ya’ll, but I just don’t get this. I don’t know if I even want to understand it. Punishing your kid with an ass whopping is damn near illegal, punishable by law, but leashing your kid up and dragging him around behind you is considered good parenting? I will never understand people and the amazing levels of stupidity we seem to reach.
*shakin my dome*
Bitch... Entertain Me
I know, I know, I’m usually runnin my mouth and flappin my gums about music, but this time it’s entertainment in general that has been irking me to the highest power. First BET advertises this “Spring Bling” bullshit, making it out to be some deal modeled after MTV’s Spring Break minus all the tanned perky white chicks bouncing around in bikini’s too small to cover their breast implants and blonde haired, blue eyed white boys walkin around shirtless to display their pasty, muscle-less chests.
I was unfortunate enough to peep a small part of Spring Bling and if I’m getting this correctly, it was just one show…that’s all she wrote. Aside from seeing Ginuwine and 3LW’s akward interaction during the introductions, the best part of the whole show was when Jaheim hit the makeshift stage. I don’t even like the dude that much, but seeing homeboy get noticeably frightened by the piece of trash he picked out the audience while she rubbed on his nuts and fondled his booty…was enough for me. After the bitch started acting out in the only way a true groupie can…the camera suddenly turned to the crowd for an extended period of time, in the background you could hear a loud THUMP, the camera then returned to Jaheim on the stage, solo…the trashy bitch was gone. From the sound of it, the bitch got drop kicked off the stage into the crowd and you know us black folk, we aint runnin to catch your fat ass, we’re runnin to get out the way and that’s as far as we’ll participate in that kinda bullshit. Then they brought out Beanie Siegel and that amish/muslim reject Freeway…the channel changed quicker than the time it took for the State property album to bomb, and that is pretty fuckin quick.
Watching TV is just as bad. BET’s video shows are full of Lil Bow Wow, Ashanti, B2K and all of the things any 14 year old girl is in need of, 106 and park is like watching TRL in slow motion including the slow ass hosts they got. It’s also that time of the primetime season that the network execs stretch the final episodes of their shows out, so for a month straight we’re pummeled by repeats of repeats until the only thing we’re left to watch is one of the many so-called reality tv shows like Survivor and Fear Factor. Scary as it seems, I’m actually starting to really get into Fear Factor. I’ve enjoyed watching people make fools out themselves for some time now, but on Fear Factor I was kept away by the foul shit they have the contestants grub on. I just couldn’t handle watchin people munch on slimy worms or gooey baby ducks, I couldn’t get down without gaggin my dayum self, but now I just cover my ears when they gag and cover my eyes when they hurl, it’s pretty fuckin entertaining. Don’t let me forget the dating type shows like Change of Heart and Shipmates all of which seem to be sitcom-type comedy to most people anyways. I don’t know about ya’ll but I always get my giggle on at them shows. Always secretly hoping that the couple on Change of Heart breaks up, and getting heated when the bitches watch their man basically screw some other bitch on a club dance floor and at the end still take that trifling Negro back. I am so glad my computer is back, for this is what I call entertainment. Fuck all that other nonsense.
Rest In Peace Left Eye
I aint even gonna front, I wasn’t even into TLC like that. I bumped some of their shit, but they weren’t one of my favorite groups and to be a lil more honest I liked left Eye the least out the three. Call me soft but when someone who seems like they getting their life right passes away suddenly, the shit is sad. I hafta just say that no matter how natural bitterness seems to come to me, when someone passes I just can’t find it in my heart to talk shit, especially when it’s a tragedy like this. Don’t worry the soft spot inside this Bitter Bitch is only temporary…trust. All shit talking aside, condolences go out to the Lopes fam from all of us at whudat.com. Rest in peace girl.
*Sigh*
I’m pissed at all you bitches…a few of ya’ll wrote to me worried about when you’d be hearin from The Bitter Bitch again, but you other people you showed no love. Ya’ll are on my shit list, you owe me and you owe me good. How you expect The Bitter Bitch to keep writing to ya’ll if she gets no love? If I could see ya’ll, you’d be good as slapped by now. *edit CG* - umm, I think the link to the cgi script was wrong. ankles? *end edit* - This bitter bitch is out for now and I better be hearing from ya’ll…you know my ass is still unemployed, days still filled with bullshit. Don’t let me forget to shout out the unemployment people and the New York labor department. It’s so luvely when ya’ll call to harass me about finding a j-o-b. If any of ya’ll reading this work for the unemployment office…fuck you, fuck you up your dirty stankin asses you sad, sad individuals. Until next time keep it bitter and talk much shit.
